The personal website of Matt Henderson.
14 February 2011
President Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. “Hello, President Obama?”, a heavily accented southern voice said. “This is Archie, down here at the Rexall drug store, in Duluth, Georgia, and I am callin’ to tell y’all that we are officially declaring war on ya!”
“Hmmm. Well, Archie,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news. How big is your army?”
“Right now,” said Archie, after a moments calculation “there’s me, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Ernest, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!”
Barack paused. “I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have at call ya back.”
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We’ve managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Archie?” Barack asked.
“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor.”
President Obama sighed. “I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”
“Lord above”, said Archie, “I’ll be gettin’ back to ya.”
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama, I’m sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” said Barack. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well, sir,” said Archie, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there’s just no way we can feed one and half million prisoners.”
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